How Do You Give a Mother's Day Gift to Someone That Doesn't Even Understand What Day It Is?

I had been debating about what to do for my mother-in-law for Mother's Day.  I wanted to show her that we loved her, but was it even worth the effort...with Alzheimer's stealing away her mind?  So, I sort of put the idea aside for lack of any ideas.

Saturday morning, I got a call from my father-in-law telling me that their morning caregiver hadn't shown up.  He said that it was ok because my MIL wouldn't get out of bed anyway.  However, he had plans at noon, so I knew it was important that she eventually get dressed and started with her day.

After another hour, I headed up there to get her up and going.  At first, it was just a thing I was doing because it needed to be done, but by the time I finished, I realized that it was a gift to both of us.

Even though my MIL is a small woman, she is 100 pounds of dead weight right now.  I recognized that it was awkward for her to be dressed by me so I let her lay under the covers, thinking that I could just slip her bottoms on discretely -- sort of like you would dress a toddler...only a toddler tries to lift herself a little and this one was stiff as can be.  It was quite the ordeal trying to communicate what I needed her to help with and coaxing and lifting her to stand so that I could finish tugging her layers up to her waist.  She helped with the first round of clothing and then promptly collapsed back into bed and under the covers.  Then, it took several tries before those uncooperative legs ended up in two separate legs of her pants.  When it came time to pull up her pants, it took FOREVER to get her to stand up and when I did, she felt like jelly in my arms -- like she was going to collapse any minute.

What I should tell you here is that both of us were laughing hysterically at this point.  Because, what else can you do?  Every time I pulled or explained or corrected, her reaction was the exact opposite of what I needed it to be and I couldn't stop laughing.  I think this may have even helped put her at ease, because she relaxed and laughed with me.

So, there I was, with my 100 pound ragdoll leaning on me as I held my arms around her, underneath her armpits.  Since I knew she'd be more comfortable pulling up her own pants (just as we'd done with the underneath layers already), I prompted her to pull up her pants to her waist.  She fumbled around a bit and I prompted and explained a few more times.  Finally, a lightbulb seemed to go on in her mind and she got a big smile of understanding.  She stopped fighting me; she stood up more sturdily on her own; and she reached her arms out, grabbed MY pants by the waist, and yanked them up as well as she could.  And I laughed like a hyena!

At this point, I just reached over and finished the job for her, no longer concerned that I was crossing her comfort zone.  I wiped away the tears of laughter from my face and gave her a big hug and put on the last few items necessary.  Then we both breathed a huge sigh of relief that we were done with that.  And she climbed back under the covers.

Eventually, we got her into the bathroom, where we tried to compensate for the fact that she hadn't had a shower that morning (because I wasn't ready to help with that!).  I brushed her teeth and sprayed and scrunched her hair.  We put lotion on her arms.  We walked out to the other room and sat her down for a late breakfast...ready to hand her over to her husband's care.

And I felt light and airy from the laughing therapy combined with the love I felt for this woman who is now just a confused shell of her former bubbly, laughing, serving, working self.

I felt grateful that I recognized her need for modesty so that I could respect it.  I felt grateful that I figured out she was trying to stay warm, so that I could add socks and a jacket to help her feel better.  I felt grateful that I knew how to make her hair scrunch so her curls would hide the fact that she needs a haircut.  I felt grateful that she feels comfortable enough with me so that I could help her accomplish what needed to be done.

And I felt grateful for the opportunity to give back to her just a morsel of the mothering that she has selflessly given to others over the years.  And what better gift to give for Mother's Day?  I got to mother a mother who really needed one.  I dressed her and polished her up and laughed with her and sent her on her way with a kiss and a hug.  I found the perfect gift for both of us, after all.